Jennifer and Tom Divorce

Jennifer and Tom

 

 

              Jennifer and Tom have been married for ten years. Two years ago, Tom lost his job and was forced to make a career change. This became an extreme source of stress for Tom.  Jennifer noticed a definite change in Tom. He has stopped attending church. Over the next year, he started verbally and emotionally abusing both Jennifer and their two children. He never spends time with his kids. And when he does he yells at them and calls them “stupid kids.” Tom’s attitude towards Jennifer is worse. He tries to control everything she does. Each time she goes to shopping he always criticizes how much she spends. She told Tom she would try to get job to try to take the stress of Tom but Tom said that was the stupidest idea he had ever heard. He yelled at her and said “I make the money around here and I always will.”

              Six months ago Jennifer had enough. She separated from Tom and began living with her Mom and Dad in Marysville. She started attending our church. While at church, she met a wonderful Christian man, Jim. He is everything Tom is not. He is considerate. He loves the kids and spending time with them. He treats Jennifer like a Queen.

              Jennifer confides in you that she and this new beau are considering a life together and that she is thinking about divorcing Tom.

 

 

1.    Based upon Matthew 19:3-10; Mark 10: 2-9; Luke 16:18; and 1 Cor. 7:8-16 does Jennifer have biblical cause to divorce Tom? If so why, if not, why not?

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.    Jennifer is sure that the course she has chosen is God’s will since Jim is such a godly man. They pray together each night. He has begun a Bible study with her kids, something Tom has never done. What would your advice to Jennifer be about Jim?

 

 

 

 

3.    How has the church failed in the case of Jennifer and Tom? What actions could the church have taken to avoid the situation that now exists?

 

 

 

 

4.    What would your advice to Jennifer be about the possibility of divorcing Tom?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scott and Louise divorce

Scott and Louise

 

 

              Scott and Louise have been married for twenty years. Scott is a deacon in the church. About six months ago Scott abruptly stopped coming to church. A female friend of Louise discovered that Louise suspects Scott is having an affair. A couple of months go by and the church discovers that Scott is indeed having and affair. He resigns from both his position as deacon and his church membership. He begins living with the “other woman” and announces he intends on divorcing Louise to marry her.

 

1.    Based upon Matthew 19:3-9; Mark 10: 2-9; Luke 16:18; and Matt. 18 15-17 what should be the church’s response to Scott’s sin? Does it make a difference that he resigned his membership from the church?

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.    How should the church minister to Louise? What advice would your group give Louise about the current situation with her husband?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.    Let’s say that Scott does indeed marry this other woman, is Louise free to remarry?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.    Its been two years, and Scott realizes that he has sinned against Christ, the church, and Louise. He desires to seek forgiveness and restitution. What will this look like now that he is remarried?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John and Sandy divorce

John and Sandy

 

 

              John and Sandy are a couple who met at our church.  They fell in love and want to be married.. Both are new Christians. In their non-Christian lives both had previously been married.  The spouses of both John and Sandy are now remarried.

 

 

 

 

1.    Based upon Matt. 19:3-9; Mark 10: 2-9; and Luke 16:18 can John and Sandy biblically remarry?

 

 

 

 

2.    What advice would you give John and Sandy based upon 1 Cor. 7:27-28?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.    Are there any issues that your group can think may need to be resolved in their previous marriages before they get married to each other?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.    In such a situation how would you introduce the possibility of remaining single as Paul encourages in 1 Cor. 7?

 

 

 

 

Pauls teaching on divorce for the blog

1. Paul’s teaching on divorce in 1 Cor. 7: 8-16.

a. Paul teaches teaching is in full agreement with the teaching of Christ. A wife must not seek to leave the marriage relationship through divorce and neither should the husband. To do so would be breaking the commandment of the Lord and thus be in sin.

b. Even in the case of a believer being married to an unbeliever the marriage bond is sacred and should be preserved.

c. If an unbelieving spouse leaves however the believer is to allow the marriage to be dissolved. God allows for this situation. Paul said “not the Lord but I” because Christ did not address this issue specifically in the gospels, Paul addresses it here. In such cases the believing spouse is “not under bondage” to such a commitment and may remarry, but only in the Lord (to another believer).

d. In 1 Cor. 7 Paul identifies four different classes of people as it regards the marriage bond:

i. The married (v. 10): Those currently in the bond of marriage.

ii. Virgins (v. 25): Those who have never been married.

iii. Unmarried (Gr. Agamos) (v. 8): Those who were previously married but are now divorced.

iv. Widows (v. 8): Those who were previously married but whose spouses have passed away

e. Is divorce permitted per Jesus words in Matt. 19 and Luke 16:18? The answer seems to be yes based upon Paul’s teaching in v. 8. But he shows a better way than remarriage:

i. “It is good form them to remain even as I, that is a single state. If you are widowed or divorced the best course is to remain unmarried.

ii. “Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife” v. 27.

3. Vv. 28-35 Paul instructs the unmarried and virgins about the blessedness of serving Christ in a single state

Life in Christ Prayer List

Life in Christ Prayer List

3/1/2010

1. Emergency request: Kevin and Marueen's friend Perry's wife who miscarried their baby. Pray for comfort.

The Christian and Divorce part III for post to the blog

1.   The Churches Response to Conflict in Marriage:

a.    This starts by understanding Paul’s teaching on the body of Christ: “For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. For the body is not one member, but many. But now there are many members… but one body…so that there may be no division in the body, but {that} the members may have the same care for one another…And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if {one} member is honored, all the members rejoice with it…Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it.” 1 Cor. 12: 13-14; 20; 25-27.

b.    This means we all need one another. We are all going somewhere together. We are all going on our journey to maturity in Christ. And we don’t get to go there alone. God ordained that Christians should grow together in the body of Christ. We are glued together in the life of Christ. In terms of marriages in the body of Christ, if one member is suffering in their marriage it affects not just each partner, but the whole church. If a marriage is in trouble the church must:

i. Understand that everything a believer does affects all the believers in the congregation. We cannot say “How you treat your wife/husband/children is your business, not mine.” Everything you do is my business. Everything I do is your business. Because we are glued together in the life of Christ and are members of one another in the body of Christ.

ii. Be willing step in and help the couple. The church should make a commitment at the beginning of each marriage contracted in that church that the church will support the couple both in prosperity and conflict. When a marriage fails, often times it is because the church has failed to support the couple and that usually by neglect of its duty to intervene in a difficult situation.

iii. Be willing to help hurting families by providing financial and practical help.

iv. It means we need to be brave as Christians and not simply ignore marital problems when they know they are happening.

v. Care enough to confront in the face of sin.

c.    The church must exercise the discipline process for those who sin in the context of marriage.

i. The church must confront men and women who are abusive, both physically and emotionally in marriage (Matt 18:15-17)

ii. The church must confront infidelity (adultery) in marriage with the discipline process. (Matt 18:15-17).

iii. The church must be willing the suffer the legal consequences for exercising the discipline process for the sake of the truth of Christ!

d.    Whenever possible, every effort should be made to preserve the marriage bond no matter what the situation.

i. This means even if there is emotional abuse.

ii. This means even if there is physical abuse.

 

The Christian and Divorce Part II for blog

The Christian and Divorce Part II

 

 

 

1.   Jesus Teaching on the Husband/Wife Relationship:

a.    The problem is that we usually begin with the exception clause and its meaning and application but don’t worry about the rest of the passage.

i. Jesus said “And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created {them} from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'?’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

ii.                      Jesus teaches:

1.    That Marriage was an institution created by God

2.    Each human marriage is a creation of God in He joins each husband and wife in a one flesh union.

3.    Since God has authored each marriage in joining the husband and wife together it is not in man’s power to separate that union.

b.    The emphasis much be on the fact that Marriage is God’s idea not mans. God created marriage. God intervenes to create each marriage and joins each husband and wife into a one flesh union.

i. We treat marriage as if it is our “idea” to get married.

ii.                      We treat marriage as if it is our decision to get married:

1.    We decide who to marry

2.    We decide when to marry

3.    We decide when it is right to have children

4.    We decide how many children to have.

5.    Why wouldn’t we decide when to end marriage.

iii.                    Jesus point is that you don’t decide to get Married. God does by virtue of He acting to create a one flesh union. At this point all the decisions about marriage should be in His hands. Which means:

1.    The each man and woman should pray to God as to who He wants them marry.  Who He created for them to be joined.

2.    When together they should pray for God’s will as to the timing of the union.

3.    When God wants them to have children.

4.    How many children God wants them to have.

5.    That each marriage should last for life or until death separates.